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Mom's On Mission (M.O.M)
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Remember November

November Nicole
Conceived: Nov. 1994
EDD: July 24,1995
Delivered: Jan. 24, 1995
 

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A friend sent me this in November's memory. Original source unknown.

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November Nicole is my "angel baby".  I was a teenager when this precious angel entered my life and just as quickly left.  I know what killed my precious November.  It was a form of cancer.  In the early stages of my pregnancy, some of the placenta cells mutated and became malignant.  They formed a tumor instead of a normal placenta, locking my baby inside.  As time, and the cancer progressed, it cut off the supply of blood and oxygen to November, thus starving and suffocating her to death.  I did not know anything was wrong with my pregnancy until November was gone.  I was anxiously anticipating hearing her heartbeat and seeing the first ultrasound.  But, things didn't happen like I expected.  On my 16th birthday, I began bleeding, which sent me to the doctor.  According to lab results, I was still pregnant.  According to a physical exam, I was still pregnant.  But...they found no heartbeat.  The doctor tried to relieve my fears by saying that it's not always easily detectable.  But an ultrasound would show them the heartbeat.  That wasn't what happened.  There was no heartbeat...for that matter, there was no body...only a head.  November was gone.  I saw her little head...the eye sockets, the nose indention, the form of her mouth.  But, her life was over.  That was the worst day of my life.  They thought they could remove her with a D and C.  But, that was unsuccessful.  I had to have a cescerian to "deliver" her remains.  In the process, part of my uterus had to be removed as well as the fallopian tube being disconnected.  On my front page, you read about babies being "laid to rest" in paper bags.  Well, that was my November...except it wasn't a paper bag.  It was a paper towel.  What happened to November after "delivery" is the most heart wrenching thing of all.  First, she was not thought of as a baby, or even a fetus.  She became a research project.  She was sent to pathology.  Where she was analyzed, disected, viewed under a microscope, and had cell and gene tests run on her.  They discovered two things from their tests.  1.  "It" was the remains of a girl.  2.  "It" was malignant.  When they finished their tests, they wadded "It" up in a paper towel and tossed it into a biohazardous waste recepticle with the syringes and test tubes, etc.  And sent "It" off to be incenerated with medical garbage.
 
"It"...that was a word I heard a lot during my hospital stay on the Maternity floor, a few doors down from the nursery.  Day and night, I heard babies crying.  I heard parents in the next room with their babies, I heard bassinets being pushed up and down the hall.  I was angry.  Here was all these healthy babies, and I was glad the babies were healthy, but...angry because mine was gone.  When doctors or nurses "discussed" November with me, she was simply reffered to as "It".  I heard "It" was dead, "It" was cancer, "It" was killing me, and on and on and on.  But, even though my baby was surrounded by a tumor...the tumor was NOT my baby.  The tumor was an "It", but what was inside that tumor was my baby girl, and she was most definately not an "It". 
 
I got all the comments about "oh you can have more", "it just wasn't meant to be", "you were too young for a baby", etc.  Was I too young?  Yes.  Did that change how much my heart broke for that baby?  No.  I underwent months of chemotherapy after I lost November.  But, I did eventually beat the cancer that stole my daughter's life.  I named my daughter too...November became her first name in the hospital, before I discovered I had been carrying a girl.  And after I learned of her sex, I thought of a good girls middle name to go with November...and thus Nicole emerged.  So, my little Angel is November Nicole.
 
Now, I sew for tiny babies and mom's like me who never get to hold their precious little one.  I would not wish this type of pain and heartbrake on my worst enemy.  But, sadly, this happens.  Babies do die, and for some, all they will ever need is one tiny outfit, and tiny blankie.  For some, they are like my November and all I can do is leave their heartbroken mom with a token of love...a "Mother's Tears Hankie"...because believe me...the tears don't end.  Even years later, there are still tears for November Nicole.  I will always love her, and I will always miss her.  But, her legacy lives on through my charity work.  With every little gown, or every little hankie, I "Remember November".
 
 

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To learn more about the cancer that took November's life, click on my angel's snowglobe.

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The background music is "Jesus Has A Rocking Chair" performed by the Greenes.  This song is special because it was the song that helped me through the pain of her loss.
 
Gold scripting and snowglobe compliments of Patch of Heaven Graphics.
 
Baby pic is from an unknown source.  If it belongs to you, please contact me so I can give appropriate credit.
 
Background, and border border compliments of LaKathleen Graphics.
Copyright 2004-2005 Alicia Lock **with the exception of graphics and music**